Music Snobs

Why is it that the majority of Gen Xer's are music snobs? I have a friend that basically hates all bands that are played on the radio because they are "too corporate." It seems as though for a Gen Xer to enjoy a band or musician, it has to be something obscure or depressing.

I have always had, what my generation, would consider less than stellar taste in music. I am pretty much a radio whore. I very rarely buy music and I never go to iTunes or Limewire. I have expressed my love for all things Horrorpops...I do have all their CD's. But I also have Papa Roach, Seether, Puddle of Mudd, and Staind. Now, I'll bet, that the majority of you that are between the ages of 28 - 40 are cringing at the mere mention of some of these bands. Guess what, here are some others that are going to make you wretch...Barry Manilow, Cher, Poison, Elton John and Gloria Estefan. See, I told you, less than stellar by Xer's standards.

The reason I am bringing this up...I was on facebook yesterday and a friend of mine had "Mindy is unlovable." I immediately jump into friend mode and leave her a comment, "That's not true, I love you!" A couple more people left encouraging words, then a friend of hers posted...

Do none of your friends listen to The Smith's? Everyone panics when you write their lyrics :)

And I don't know why, but that pissed me off. I'm sorry, when I see the word unlovable...I don't automatically think of song lyrics.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on three artists that have obnoxious fans...

Nirvana - I can't stand Nirvana. I know, shocking, given my age. I think someone said that Kurt Cobain was the voice of our generation. I'm sorry, he wasn't speaking for me. I've also heard that he was a GENIUS! What, really? Could someone explain this one to me...

With the lights out its less dangerous / Here we are now / Entertain us / I feel stupid and contagious / Here we are now / Entertain us / A mulatto / An albino / A mosquito / My libido / Yea

Yep, sounds like above average intelligence to me. These lyrics make NO sense to me. Maybe I'm just not that bright or too shallow to understand the "inner meaning" of the song, but come on people. And it really irritates me when people say things like, "Kurt Cobain never wanted to be famous." Then why the hell did he sign the recording contract. Yep, he was a genius.

Radiohead - OH MY GOD, I HATE RADIOHEAD! When Thom York sings, it sounds like Charlie Brown's teacher talking. And the Radiohead fans...probably the most pretentious people in the world. This was my ex's favorite band. I will give Radiohead this...they put on a really good live show. (Yes, I've been to a Radiohead show and I have a shirt from this show. The shirt makes my boobs look AWESOME!) They sound just like their CD. Everyone always talks about how Radiohead is "critically acclaimed." Who are these critics and what the hell are they listening to, because it can't be the same album I'm hearing.

Morrissey/The Smiths - I'm sorry Mindy, but I can't take either one. I will admit, I have not heard the entire Morrissey/Smiths collection, but what I have heard was so depressing I wanted to die. This was another of the ex's favorite bands. I don't know if this is a documented fun fact about Morrissey, but the ex told me that Morrissey was celibate and the reason why was because it helped him write his music..or something like that. The ex also told me that Morrissey was a Vegan. I had to tell the ex, "Maybe he should eat a hamburger and have some sex, then his music my be a little more upbeat." Seriously, I don't think I could listen to his music on a continuous basis and have a positive outlook on life.

So there, I'm done bitchin' about the music snobs.

If you are a music snob, before you look down your nose at someone because of their musical preferences, just remember...you liked Alanis Morissette's "Jagged Little Pill" before the album went platinum!

Until next time...

Mandy

G-Strings, Boyshorts and Pasties

**Ssome of the language and topics in this post may be offensive to some people. Consider yourself forewarned.

Last Friday night, I met some friends of mine for drinks for their 5th wedding anniversary. While were sitting at the restaurant, another friend of mine called and asked me what I was doing that evening. I told him that I had planned on finishing my drink and go home. Then I looked at my friends and said, do y'all want to do anything else this evening??? That's when the plan came together...



WE WERE ALL GONNA GO TO THE STRIP CLUB!



So, my friend (who is male, by the way) shows up at the restaurant, we go and park our vehicles at my apartment, load into my other friend's vehicle and zoom off to "The Club."

I have met women who have said, "There is no way, I would ever go to a topless bar." Which, I don't understand. I mean really, you're just looking at boobs. Now, butt-naked bars...no thank you . I have no desire to see another woman's poonanie. Much less busted, stripper poonanie. I don't know, it just seems like the butt-nakeds would smell weird. And yes, I use the word poonanie. It's a fun word to say...go ahead, say it out loud POO NA NIE. And, I don't think it sounds nearly as tacky as pussy or twat. Although, twat is another fun word to say...and it doesn't get used nearly enough. Sorry, I kind of went on a weird tangent there.

So we get to the bar and find a table. I feel I need to explain something about Texas before I move on. If you are a stripper in Texas, you have two stripper options.

1. You can be licensed. I'm not sure what the licensing procese entails, but if you are licensed you have to wear a photo ID somewhere on your body. With the license you can dance totally topless and wear a G-string. (There was one licensed woman at the bar we went to.)

2. You can be unlicensed. When you are unlicensed, you have to wear full bottoms (i.e. bikini briefs or boy shorts) and you cannot have exposed nipples. I was told Friday night, that if a policeman came into the bar and there was a stripper with exposed nipples and she did not have a license, he could take her directly to jail.

All the unlicensed strippers I have seen have always had latex over their nipples, which looks REALLY odd. Like they have nippleless boobs. If I was a stripper, I would get pretty sequined pasties or ones with tassels. Come on ladies, ADORN THOSE BOOBIES!

I do wonder one thing. If you are a stripper at a butt-naked and you are not licensed, do you have to cover your nipples even though you have an exposed poonanie? Or, to work at one of these establishments, are you required to be licensed? The gentleman's club industry is a total mystery to me.

Pole dancing has always fascinated me. I am always so impressed with these girls that can climb to the very top and spin, upside down, down to the bottom. And they always look so graceful doing it. I do have one gripe though, it seems like they master one trick and they just keep doing it over and over again. Come girls, mix it up a little. Oh, and the thing y'all do at the front of the stage, where you make your butt jiggle...it's not sexy, it's kind of gross. Here's another piece of advice...If you're going to do a cat roll, learn how to do one properly. Keep your legs straight and your toes pointed. One last thing...practice getting up off the floor, there is nothing graceful about how y'all get up. Try this...Z sit, come up on one knee, then stand up...it's not rocket science ladies. Sorry, another tangent.

Since I'm an ex-dancer (classical not pole) I will only tip dancers that entertain me (Not in a ooh, that turns me on kind of way, but a oh look at her, she's actually making an effort to be sort of artistic and trying different things.) So, this one girl gets up on the stage and not only is she gorgeous, she does several different tricks with the pole and she looks to have some sort of dance training. So, I get some money out of my purse and walk up to the stage. She wiggles her way over to me and gets down on her knees and I am expecting her to pull her bottoms out a little so I can stick the money in her boyshorts. Well, she didn't do the universal stripper money taking thing. No, she put a hand on either side of my head and THRUST IT BETWEEN HER TWO BOOBS!!! And then, proceeded to SHIMMY! I immediately, pulled my head back, and screamed "NO MA'AM!" then I threw my money at her and walked back to my seat. I'm sorry, but do not put your boobs in my face. I don't know you, I have no idea what's been between your boobs and you know what, you have no idea where my face has been. Needless to say, I didn't tip anyone else that night.

Until next time...

Mandy

I'd like to thank...

So, last week I got a couple of awards! Yay me! Here's the first one...

This is from Karen, because apparently, she likes me, she really likes me! Anyway, here is the description that I stole from her page...

“When accepting this auspicious award, you must write a post bragging about it, including the name of the misguided soul who thinks you deserve such acclaim, and link back to said person so everyone knows he or she is real. Choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design. Or improvise by including bloggers who have no idea who you are because you don’t have seven (7) friends. Show the seven (7) random victims’ names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Weblog.” Well, there’s no prize, really, but they can keep the nifty icon. Next,in your blog, list at least ten honest things about yourself. Then, pass it on!”

So, I have told you who I received this award from. Now, I will list my ten things...

1. I hate when people won't answer their children in public and the kid just continues to say Momma, Momma, Momma...

2. I am child-free by choice and have no plans on changing that.

3. I have never swung a bat.

4. I say that I don't know how to swim. It's easier saying that than I start to freak out if I can't touch bottom. (I guess what I do wouldn't be considered swimming anyway, it's more of dog paddle...but, I can tread water like nobody's business.)

5. Craig Biggio's rookie year was when I was in the 6th grade. I was in LOVE with Biggio and got very upset when he got married. Then, when he retired, I felt REALLY old!

6. My favorite summer was the summer of 1994. I spent every day hanging out with my Nanny, playing Tetris with her and listening to talk radio.

7. I don't feel like I'm 33, I feel more like I'm around 23.

8. I have a feeling I will never get married.

9. I would love to go back to school, but having that much debt scares the hell out of me.

10. I have a scar on my stomach that is about a foot long from a surgery I had after a car accident my senior year. That was 15 years ago and I don't remember what I looked like without it.

Now, here are the people that I am passing this award on to...

Janet

Weenie

Diana

Princess Talula

Brian

Sublime Enigma

Princess Pixybell

Until next time...

Mandy

I SUCK

At least according to my mother yesterday. Her exact words, "God, when are you going to post something new? I go look at your blog everyday and each time I see My Eyes! and that's boring Mandy. You suck!"

I just haven't felt like writing much. But, I'm trying not to suck, so here you go...

THE BANGS

On March 7, I decided to go and get my bangs trimmed. I would normally go and see Mindy, but I thought to myself, "I don't want to drive the 12 miles to Mindy's house, I'll just go to that salon next door that has that sign in the window VOTED BEST OF THE BAY 2008! (And, it's right next to the place where I get my eyebrows waxed. So, I figured I could kill two birds with one stone.) I mean, it's just bangs." Oh how wrong I was. I walked in and told the lady, I just need my bangs trimmed. When I sat in the chair, I told her, "I like the to be the shape of Bettie Page, but right above my eyebrows." I also informed her that I have naturally curly hair. So, I was a little worried when she pulled out the water bottle and sprayed down the front of my hair. But, I figured she went to school for this and I didn't, so she must know what she's doing. Then, she takes my beloved bangs and pulls them all together, twists them and then cuts right above her fingers. As soon as she removes her hand to throw the defenseless hair on the floor, my hand immediately covers my mouth while I'm gasping.

Mandy: What did you do?
Stupid Salon Lady: You said Bettie Page.
Mandy: I said SHAPE of Bettie Page.
SSL: Bettie Page's bangs were really short.
Mandy: (As Mandy starts crying) Bettie Page's bangs were longer than an inch from her hairline! I LOOK LIKE BABY HUEY!
SSL: No you don't.
Mandy: (Still crying) You're right, I look like the love child of Baby Huey and a basketball!
SSL: Well, there's nothing I can do about it now...I can't make them longer.
(This bitch just fucked up my hair, then wants to get attitude with me because I'm upset. What is up with that?)
Mandy: (Sobbing) TOMORROW IS MY BIRTHDAY AND I HAVE PEOPLE COMING IN TOWN!
At this point the bitch doesn't have anything to say.
Mandy: Are we done here?
SSL: Yes.

I get up and walk to the front desk and ask the little girl at reception, "How much do I owe y'all for this?" and I point to my head. She looks at me and says, "Nothing." Then, I storm out of the salon. Oh, by the way, the name of the salon is Untangled. DON'T GO THERE!

I was tempted to just go home, but then I realized that the curtains were up on my forehead, I HAD to get my eyebrows waxed. At this point, I'm no longer sobbing...just crying and I walk in and tell the lady, "I need my eyebrows waxed." So, they take me to the back room and I tell her that I probably need my lip done too. (What can I say, I'm a brunette and part German...there's nothing I can do. At least I'm taking care of it and not walking around the city of Houston with a Foo Man Choo!) Anyway, I lay down on the table and the lady starts brushing little hairs off my face.

Waxing Lady: (In a very thick Asian accent) You get haircut?
Mandy: (Starts sobbing again) Yes, I just got a really bad haircut!
WL: Don't worry, I make you beautiful!
Mandy: OK.
She starts applying the wax and ripping it off.
WL: You got lot hair on you face.
Mandy: (Sniffling) Really...
WL: It blonde, but it lot.
Mandy thinking: My hair looks like ass and apparently I'm a hairy beast!
I start sobbing again.
WL: I was off for you, I make you beautiful!
Mandy: OK (sniff, sniff)
**Lots of waxing going on here and I continue to cry.
WL: OK, you done.
Mandy: OK, thanks.

I pay for my face waxing and leave. As I'm driving home, I call my mother. And I should mention that I'm crying so hard at this point that I am borderline hyperventilating.

Mandy: MOM!
Mom: Mandy, what's wrong?
Mandy: MY HAIR!
Mom: What? Mandy, you're going to have to calm down, I can't understand you.
Mandy: I went to get my bangs cut and they fucked my hair up!
Mom: Oh no, what did they do.
Mandy: YOU CAN FIT THREE FINGERS BETWEEN THE TOP OF MY EYEBROWS AND THE BOTTOM OF MY BANGS.
Mom: Oh my God.
Mandy: I LOOK HORRIBLE.
Mom: It's going to be OK, it just hair it will grow out.
Mandy: CAN YOU COME GET ME, I NEED TO GO AND BUY SOME HATS.
Mom: Yeah, I'll be over there in a minute.

So, I walk in my house and go look in the bathroom mirror, that's when I get the full view of my day of beauty. The left side of my bangs came down below my eye, the right side came down almost to the corner of my eye and the middle barely covered my widow's peak. My eyebrows looked really good. But, apparently, the sides of my face had some sort of reaction to the wax and I had little bumps forming on my jaw line. So, when I woke up on March 8, the day of my birth, I looked in the mirror and figured out what I looked like.

A four year old, who found a pair of scissors and cut her own hair who has acne. Happy 33 birthday to me!

Actually, my birthday turned out to be pretty awesome. My mom did come and pick me up the day before and I bought some really cute hats. Not just that, but my best friend growing up came in town from Austin so we could celebrate our birthdays together. (Hers was on the 14th.) If you would like to read about the birthday celebration, go check out Laura's blog...it includes pictures. Oh, and look at my hat...it's pretty cute.

Until next time...

Mandy

My EYES!!!!

I read somewhere that when you walk your dog, you should always take the same route, so they get used to "going" in the same places. Apparently, this helps with "going" in the house. (Something about the dog smells their own scent or something like that. Whatever it does, it seems to have helped.) So, when I get home in the evening we generally go on our long walk, then three or four times in the evening I take him on the short, "potty walks."

Now, I have lived in my apartment for a year and three months and up until Rogen came to live with me, I had never actually walked through the whole complex. Now that I have started walking through the complex, I've started saying hello to people and Rogen has been able to sniff the butts of a couple of different dogs. What I have noticed, during these little walks, is that A LOT of people leave their blinds open. When I see a sliding glass door with the blinds open, I look...usually to see what kind of decor that person has, but mostly because I'm a Nosey McRosie and just like to look in people's homes. Believe me, when I open my blinds, I fully expect people to look in my window. Anyway, either the people in my complex are extreme exhibitionists or they just forget that their blinds are open, but here lately I have been getting an eye-full on my nightly walks. For example, last night I saw a couple, on a couch, making out with the guy laying on top of the girl, while he was groping the boobie area. As soon as I saw that, I looked away...I didn't want them to think I was some sort of pervert. Then, four apartments down, there was a man, sitting on a barstool, talking on the phone, in front of the window, NUDE...and the blinds were WIDE OPEN! Thank God all I saw was the backal and not the frontal. Seriously, he was sitting, bare-assed on a barstool, just talking away. Who sits in plain sight of a passerby naked?

Anyway, I think I might have to find a different route.

Until next time...

Mandy

I've become one of THOSE people.

I am officially a crazy dog owner. I look at Rogen as if he were my child. If I'm going to be gone for an extended amount of time during the course of a weekend, I procure a babysitter for him. I have become a regular at Floppy Pets, the place where I buy his special, all natural food and have decided that I have to take him to The Majestic Pet Hotel at least once a month for a bath.

I take him to Terra & Lyndon's house so he can play with their dog. I have actually talked to my friend Terri about setting up a play date so he can play with her three dachshunds.

And, I take WAY to many pictures of him, but when you have a dog as cute as he is...you can't help but be a little insane.

Rogen looking out the door of my apartment.

Rogen playing with an old house shoe. (Both of those antennas have since been chewed off.)

In the car in his car seat.

Another shot of him cruising around with his momma.

Hope y'all have a great weekend!

Until next time...

Mandy

Just a Suggestion.

OK, I'm probably going to get some flack for what I'm about to post, but I really don't care.

This morning, I stopped by the convenience store to pick up a small thing of mild to put in my cereal. When I got to the refrigerated section, all the milk was gone. Luckily, this convenience store has a McDonald's attached to it. So, I walk over to the counter this is how the conversation went...

Lady: Yes, Miss.
Me: I just need a low fat milk.
(The lady looks at me like I'm speaking Greek.)
Me: Just a milk.
(Crickets chirping)
Me: Milk.
Lady: Milk?
Me: Yes, Milk.
Male McDonald's employee: What would you like?
Me: Just a milk.
Guy to Lady: Leche.
Lady: Ohhhhh, OK.
She enters the order into the computer.
Lady: Uno O Ocho.
Me: Excuse me?
Guy: $1.08

I take my milk and walk out to my car, pissed off.

I understand that people come to America with dreams of a better life and I don't have a problem with that. BUT, if you are going to be working where you have to speak to customers and/or take orders, please learn how to speak English. If I were going to move to a different country; I would, at the very least, learn conversational whatever language they speak.

So, here's a suggestion...If you don't want to learn how to speak English and you work at McDonald's, at least memorize the menu.

Until next time...

Mandy

Willie Strikes Again

A couple of months ago a posted this. Well, I just got a phone call, and it went something like this...

Willie: Hey Clydesdale.
Me: Hey Willie, what's up?
Willie: Where's Mark?
Me: Out running errands.
Willie: You still married?
Me not thinking
Me: I've never been married.
Willie: Well, you know, I just got divorced three months ago.
Me: Oh.
Willie: When you gonna let me take you out?
Me: Ummm...
Willie: You know you want to.
Me: Oh, Willie. I don't mix business and pleasure.
Willie: I don't work with you.
Me: Yeah, but you're one of my vendors.
Willie: How long has it been since I've been over there?
Me: It doesn't matter.
Willie: OK Clydesdale, you let me know if you change your mind. I'd treat you and your big self real good!
Me: I'll keep that in mind, Willie.

I'm kind of in a dry spell at the moment, I haven't been on a date since December. But, I'm sorry, I'm not going out with anyone who sports a jerry curl and a gold tooth, much less someone who always refers to me as Clydesdale.

Until next time...

Mandy

THE PURSE MEME!

*Post a picture of whatever bag you are carrying as of late. You CANNOT sneak into your closet and pull out some cute little things - we want to know the purse you last carried. No cheating!*List how much it cost - this is not to judge but for entertainment only.
*If there is a fabulous story to go along with your fabulous purse, let us hear it!
*Post a picture of the contents of said purse.
*Tag some lucky ladies to participate and then link back to this post.



This is the purse I am carrying right now. It's an Ed Hardy and it was a Christmas gift from my mother. We were shopping the day after Thanksgiving and we ran across an Ed Hardy display and I made the comment that I LOVED Ed Hardy stuff, but it was way out of my price range. When I opened the box containing this, awesome purse, I was surprised. I had no idea that the mother was going to purchase something like this. I love the fact that it has a shoulder strap and shorter straps to carry it in your hand. I am also very fond of the size of this bag. Since I'm a bigger girl, I like to carry HUGE bags. I've heard that your purse should always be proportionate to the size of your body. I'm not sure why, but I figure the bigger the bag that I carry, the smaller my ass looks.

The only drawback to carrying a huge purse, is that you end up carrying EVERYTHING in it. After a day of shopping, my shoulders are usually killing me because of the weight of my purse. So, here are the contents, starting at the far left and moving clockwise...

1. Small makeup bag with four lipglosses in varying shades of nude, red lipstick, red lipliner and a compact that is empty, but I keep it for the mirror.

2. Coupon file and notepad.

3. Crystal Light On The Go packets

4. Unopened Landmark Theatres Movie Music CD.

5. Bath & Bodyworks Velvet Tuberose body spray

6. Victoria's Secret Amber Romance body spray

7. Curves Kicks perfume

8. Personal organizer

9. Cell phone

10. Green hinge wallet

11. Necklace and earring set I bought last weekend.

12. Torrid Happy Birthday To You $10 off coupon.

13. Cable for digital camera

14. Not pictured: Digital camera used to take pictures of purse and contents.

So, I am tagging these people...

Weenie

Rice Spice - although she's been MIA the last month or so, so I'm not sure if she will do this.

Hoochie

Princess Talula

Princess Pixybell

Until next time...

Mandy