What the hell is that?

I was driving home the other day and saw this car in front of me.





I thought to myself, "Hmmm, there is something weird about that car. It almost looks like the paint job is a tessellation. Wait a minute, that's not a tessellation that's...



GIRAFFE PRINT!"



OK, here are my questions...



1. Who paints giraffe print on their vehicle?

2. Why and how do I remember what a tessellation is?



Hope y'all have a great weekend. And, if you live in Houston and are going to be attending the Rodeo cook off, have fun and PLEASE BE CAREFUL! I will not be attending. I think I'm pretty much over the cook off. The thought of parking and riding and then wandering aimlessly, trying to find the correct booth while dodging drunken cowboys* just doesn't sound like fun to me anymore.



Until next time...



Mandy

*Typically, the drunken cowboys at the cook off are not actually cowboys. They tend to be white collar douche bags with a pair of ropers, a pair of faded Levi's, a white button-up shirt, and a pass from their wives to get totally shit faced that night.

THE INTERVIEW

So, I was visiting Karen today, as I do most days, and decided to participate in the interview post.

1. What is one of your biggest life goals?
At the moment, my biggest goal is to get healthy. I've decided that 2009 is the year of MAKING MANDY HOT! So, I've quit smoking and started working out. But, I will say, my goals change all the time. I'm never happy with what I have at that moment. So, maybe one of my goals should be to learn how to be content.

2. If you were to find yourself dropped in the middle of a foreign country, which would you like it to be?
This is a really easy one. I have wanted to go to Ireland for as long as I can remember. After seeing Circle of Friends, the want and need to got there intensified. I think it's because every picture I see of Ireland, everything looks so green (actual color not environmentally friendly) and pretty. And I really want to sit in an Irish pub and drink a pint of Harp Lager!

3. What is your all-time favorite song? The one that instantly changes your mood?
In the Mood - The Glenn Miller Orchestra.
This song reminds me of tap class warm-up when I was growing up. The dance studio was my safe-haven. It didn't matter what had happened that day, as soon as I walked into the dance room all was right with the world. (It also makes me want to shake my ass when I hear it!)

4. President Obama wants YOU in his cabinet. Do you accept? And which post do you take?
I would take the Secretary of Commerce , because it seems to be the one he's having the most problems filling and I've paid my taxes and am pretty much scandal free. (With the exception of a few questionable choices in boyfriends, but I was much younger then.) Also, I want to get close enough to Nancy Pelosi so I can hit her in the mouth with, you guessed it, a tap shoe.

5. Would you rather be rich or famous?
Rich. That way I can still walk my dog in my pajamas and go to the grocery store in peace. I don't care if people know who I am or not.

Now...I would love to interview you and you and you. So here is what you do:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me."
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions.)
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.
So come on--let's get to know each other better. And do not fear potential questions--I promise to play very nice. Good times!

Until next time...

Mandy

An Answer to Sublime Enigma's Question

Last week, Mr. Enigma posted this. Basically, he was asking the question...

Why is it socially acceptable not to wash your hands after using the port-a-potty?
Since we obviously don't have a sink it's okay not to do it?
Is that what is happening here?

Well, when I was driving to work this morning I saw this...

This is a hand washing station, right in front of two port-o-potties.

It looks as if the portable restroom people are starting to get with the hygienic program...YAY!

Until next time...

Mandy

Corvettes, Boats and Ball Sacks.

I recently got back in contact with a friend that I dated about 10 years ago. He and I were able to remain friends after we realized that we were not meant to be together. I went to his wedding reception and his father's funeral. But, like a lot of friendships, we lost touch after a while. I probably haven't seen him in 6 years and I haven't talked to him in about 5.

So, he and I have been talking to each other for the past week. Catching up on what's going on in each other's world. I, found out that the toddler I saw 6 years ago is now a 7 year old little boy and that he has a 2 year old little girl. When he found out I was single, he told me that he had a friend that he thought I might like. I asked him to tell me a little about this guy and all he said was..."He works with me." Then I asked him, "How old is he?" I was told, "In his 40's." Reluctantly I said, "OK, tell him to call me."

So, he called me last night...

The conversation started off like all conversations do when you don't know each other. Then, it got interesting...

Me: So where are you from, you don't sound like you're from Houston.
Guy: Well, my mom is Indonesian and my father is Dutch. I was born in Indonesia, then we moved to Holland. Then when I was nine, my parents decided to come to America. So we got on a boat and came to the U.S. We went through New York and then got on a train and came to Houston.
In Mandy's head: That's weird, why would they travel by boat?
Me: Really, that's pretty interesting.

**More conversation**

Guy: I've done a lot of traveling.
Me: Oh really, where have you been?
Guy: Spain, England, Holland, Indonesia, Australia, Vietnam...
Me: Vietnam? Why did you go to Vietnam?
Guy: To kill people...
Me: You fought in Vietnam?
Guy: Yeah, why?
Me: How old are you?
Guy: 59.
Me 59!?!?!? What do you mean you're 59?
Guy: I thought he told you how old I was.
Me: HE TOLD ME YOU WERE IN YOUR 40'S!
Guy: How old are you?
Me: 32!
Guy: I have a lot of friends that are your age. Don't worry, I don't look 59.
In Mandy's head: OH MY GOD! There is less of an age difference between this man and my Paw Paw than the two of us.
Guy: Did he tell you that I have three corvettes?
Me: No, he didn't mention that.
In Mandy's head: I don't care how many Corvettes you have, you dirty old man. You're older than my mom!
Guy: I also have four boats.
Me: Oh yeah, that's cool.
In Mandy's head: OK dude, quit telling me about your money. That's just tacky, and you're old enough to be my father.
Guy: I gave my son the acre of property next to mine so he could build a house.
Me: Wow, that was nice.
In Mandy's head: What, are you about to tell me..."I'm kind of a big deal."
Guy: Blah, blah, blah. (At this point this is all I hear.)
In Mandy's head: Oh my God, what is this guy saying? All I can think about is old, saggy balls. I bet he doesn't take baths anymore, for fear that his balls will float.
Mandy: Well, I have to be going.
Guy: OK...call me tomorrow?
Mandy: Sure.
In Mandy's head: There is no way in hell I'm calling you tomorrow.

I haven't talked to my friend yet, but make no mistake, he will pay for this!

Until next time...

Mandy

Habits

I've heard that it takes 21 days to form a habit.

Well, by that rationale, I guess it would take 21 days to break a habit.

Guess what, it has been exactly 21 days since my last cigarette.

Until next time...

Mandy

Swagga Like Us

OK, I watched the video I posted on Monday. As I was watching it, I started thinking, "What the hell are they saying?" So, I decided to look up the lyrics. And, you know what? I still have no clue what they are talking about. See for yourself...

(Lyrics in black, my thought in red.)
(M.I.A. Sample) Hook Repeats 2x
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us

[Kanye West]
Mr. West is in the building
Swagger on a hundred thousand, trillion
I don't think that's a number...what does a hundred thousand, trillion mean?
Ayo is ayo a word?
I know I got it first
I'm Christopher Columbus, y'all just the pilgrims
Thanksgiving do we even gotta question
OK, I'm no history buff, but I don't remember Christopher Columbus having anything to do with the Pilgrims or Thanksgiving. Hey Kanye...pick up an effin history book. GOD, I can't stand you.
Hermes Pastelle I pass the dressing
My attitude is tattooed
That means it's permanent, so I guess I should address it, huh?
My swagger is Mick Jagger
Every time I breathe on the track I asthma attack it
WTF does that mean.
Why he's so mad for, why he gotta have it
Nice grammer pal, you're a friggin' moron!
Cuz I slaved my whole life, now I'm the master

Na-Na-Na, How it feel to wake up and be the shit and the urine
Um, that's just gross.
Na-na-na-na-na
Trying to get that Kobe number, one over Jordan
Ok, I think I get this one. He wants Kobe Bryant to be more popular than Michael Jordon? Am I anywhere near what he's talking about?

(M.I.A. Sample)
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us

[Jay-Z]
Cheaaa
Is that a word?
No one on the corner gotta bop like this
What's a bop?
Can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots don't fit
What's a knot?
No one on the corner gotta pocket like this
So I rock Roc jeans cuz my knots so thick
Roc jeans-his line, I get it...still don't know what a knot is.
You can learn how to dress just by
Jocking my fresh
Jocking jocking my fresh
Jocking jocking my fresh
How do you jock a fresh?
Follow my steps, it's the road to success
Where the niggas know you thoro
And the girls say yes
But I can't teach you my swag
You can pay for school but you can't buy class
This is true, I was thinking this exact thing when I was watching this performance on the Grammys.
School of hard knocks I'm a grad
Yoda talk This is.
And that all-blue Yankee is my graduation cap,
It's Hovaaaaa!
What's a Hovaaaa?
Dipping different rovers whipping with the soda
What the hell does that mean?
Hovaaaaa!
Could u even have any doubt after doubt if it's over
I have doubts that y'all are even speaking english.

(M.I.A. Sample)
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us

[Lil Wayne]
No one on the corner has swagger like moi, Church
Oh look, this one is French, and apparently going to a place of worship.
But I'm too clean for these boys
No Lil Wayne, you look like you smell.
I require what I desire I got stripes, A-di-das
OK, kinda get this one. I had a pair of adidas once and they had three stripes.
Mami scream papi no mas
Oh, look at that, Lil Wayne is trilingual...he speaks english, french and spanish!
Run up in your shit just me no moss
I have no idea what this means, but it sounds borderline disgusting.
Runnin this shit like I got four thighs
Maybe he runs really fast?
None has swagger like this four gods!
Huh?
When it comes to styles I got several
Sharper than a swagger, dagger all metal
And my jew-elz blue and yellow
The type of shit that make em call you Carmelo
What language is this?
Rules as follows stay true to the ghetto
Yes, please tell your fans to stay true to the ghetto.
Write your name on the bullet make you feel special
Haaa!
What the f**k you boys talking about?
I have no idea what the f**k you boys are talking about.
I know it's us cuz we the only thing you talk about

(M.I.A. Sample)
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
(And I'm done)
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
(Bye! )
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like

[T.I.]
Yea
Affirmative
Ha!
Laughter
Ya think?
Sure
That's right
I thought so.
You go see Weezy for the wordplay,
Who?
Jeezy for the bird play,
Who?
Kanyeezy for diversity
Kanye?
and me for controversy,
Oh, I've got this one...this is T.I.
All my verses picture perfect and they meant to serve a purpose,
You ain't living what you kicking and you worthless,
I, personally, think all four of you are pretty much worthless.
Looking from the surface it may seem that I got reason to be nervous
Why is that?
Then observe my work and see that my adversity was worth it,
Verses autobiographical, absolutely classical,
Maybe your verses are autobiographical, but I wouldn't call them classical.
Last thing I'm worried 'bout is what another rapper do,
I think you mean does.
Ain't nobody hot as me even if they rap
I'm sorry, but you're not that attractive.
They ass off blast off and have outstanding qualities,
What does this mean...it's like gibberish.
Sell alotta records I respect and salute that,
But spitting real life on hot beats I'm the truth at
I have a total Archie Bunker look on my face while reading these lyrics.

You kick it like me no exaggeration necessary,
Living revolutionary, nothing less than legendary,

Gangsta shit hereditary, got it from my dad
Way to keep the viscous cycle going.
Flow colder than February with extraordinary swag

M.I.A. Sample)Hook Repeats 2x (T.I. Adlibs)
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us
No one on the corner have swagger like us
Swagger like us, swagger swagger like us

This has got to be one of the most nonsensicle (I think that's a word, I'm getting as bad as rappers.) songs I've ever heard or read.

If you have any kind of clue what these people are talking about, please leave me a comment and explain it to me.

Until next time...

Mandy

Conversations with a friend - 2

This conversation took place a couple of months ago...

Mandy: I think I want to get a pet.
J: Here we go again, what kind of dog do you want this time?
Mandy: I don't want a dog.
J: Then what, a cat?
Mandy: Nope, a skunk.
J: A skunk.
Mandy: Yep, they're awful cute.
J: Uh huh. And what would you do with a skunk?
Mandy: Umm, hello...I would pet it and love it!
J: Skunks are wild animals...
Mandy: You can domesticate a skunk.
J: No you can't.
Mandy: Yes you can. Do you really think dogs and cats started off as little house pets? No, they were wild animals at one time, and they have since been domesticated.
J: THEY HAVE BEEN DOMESTICATED OVER HUNDREDS OF YEARS!
Mandy: You don't understand, I don't want an adult skunk...I want a baby skunk. That way it would think I was it's momma and it would love me.
J: Why would it love you?
Mandy: Because it would have to.
J: You do realize when your driving and you comment on the "foul and mysterious odor," 9 times out of 10 it's a skunk you're smelling.
Mandy: I would destink the skunk.
J: You can't destink a skunk.
Mandy: Yes you can, it's like a gland or something that can be removed. That's what they do to ferrets.
J: I think you're wrong.
Mandy: No I'm not.
J: Whatever, I'm not going to argue about it. I'll talk to you later.
Mandy: OK, Bye.

**Mandy calls her mother.

Mandy: Mom, can skunks be destunk?
Mom: Yeah. It's like a gland or something...you know, like they do to ferrets.
Mandy: How do you know?
Mom: Pet stores sold skunks as pets when I was little.
Mandy: Really! Did you have one?
Mom: Uh, no.
Mandy: OK, that's what I needed to know...thanks.
Mom: Wait, why do you ask?
Mandy: So I could prove J wrong.
Mom: OK, well have fun...Bye.

**Mandy calls J back.

Mandy: HA HAAAAA
J: What?
Mandy: You can destink a skunk.
J: How do you know.
Mandy: I called Mom, and she said that when she was little, people had skunks as pets and their stinkers were removed.
J: OK.
Mandy: So, I'm going to get a skunk and name it Flower.
J: Why Flower?
Mandy: Haven't you ever seen Bambi..."He can call me Flower...if he wants to."
J: Uhh, No.
Mandy: Whatever, bottom line is...I was right and you were wrong.
J: That's why you called me back, to prove me wrong.
Mandy: Yep.
J: Are you good now?
Mandy: Yeah, I'm good.
J: Well, that's all that matters.
Mandy: Pretty much...I'll talk to you later, bye.
J: Bye.

Until next time...

Mandy

Did you watch the Grammys???

I watched at them. I was sitting on my couch reading a book and had the TV muted, every once in a while I would look up and notice someone performing that I thought would be good and I would turn the sound up. More often than not, as soon as I heard part of the song the mute button got pushed again. The main reason I had the Grammys on is because I wanted to see Sir Paul McCartney perform with Dave Grohl. I love the Beatles and I love me some Foo Fighters. I was so glad the volume was up when Sir Paul and Dave where introduced, because Sir Paul was singing one of my favorite Beatles songs!


The quality of this video is not so good, but the vocals come in loud and clear.

The reason the volume was at a normal level when Paul McCartney was introduced is because I had just watched the train wreck that was M.I.A. perform "Swagga Like Us." Now, don't get me wrong...it sounded OK, I guess. (I'm not a hip hop person.) I COULD NOT stop looking at this woman. Here, let me give you a visual...

OK, seriously, who dressed this woman? Does she not have a stylist? It's like a mini skirt, bikini. Apparently, her due date was YESTERDAY! So, she decided to get on stage, in a leotard, at her pregnant juiciest and GYRATE! Yes, you read correctly, she gyrated and did pelvic thrusts. I was not only disturbed, but pretty impressed that she could still move like that so far along in her pregnancy. See for yourself...

Like I said, I'm not a hip hop girl. So, I had never heard of M.I.A. until last night, I had not heard that song and I'm not sure who the fourth guy was. I recognized Kanye West (Who, I can't stand.) Jay Z (the only reason I know who he is is because of Beyonce) and Lil Wayne (I don't know how I know who he is, but I don't like to look at him. I think he is GRO-DEE! He looks like he wouldn't smell pleasant. And don't get me started on that ridiculous, vampire teeth grill...yuck!)

Until next time...

Mandy

Strange Stuff

While I was driving to work this morning I saw a taupe colored mini van with a woman driving a little, blond girl with a big, pink bow in her hair to school this morning. I know, that doesn't seem to strange, but on the side of the mini van there was a decal...a tribal, tattoo looking, sorta flame having decal. Why would someone put that kind of decal on a mini van? And here's an even better questions...why stop there? Why not have the ghost flames air brushed on the front of your mini van. I don't get it.

So, after I pass the mini van, I came upon a truck that a roofer was driving. You are probably wondering how I know a roofer was driving it, well let me tell you...the truck had "Roofers 281-555-5555" written all over it with SHOE POLISH. OK, if you are trying to start a business, spend a little extra money and get, at the very least, one of those signs that are magnets and put it on the side of your truck. Why not splurge a little and have the lettering put on your truck. Nothing says PROFESSIONAL like shoe polish dripping down the sides and back of your truck.

I wish people would get a friggin' clue.

Until next time...

Mandy

Conversations with a Friend 1

I decided to start a new segment here at Mainly Mandy. I'm not sure how well it will go over with y'all, it might be more proof that two years was not long enough with my therapist.

I have a friend that I talk to ALL THE TIME, whether I want to or not. He calls quite a bit. We had a conversation today that made me laugh when we hung up. Then I started thinking, "This is nothing new, we have conversations like this at least once a week." You see, I get off these off the wall ideas in my head and tell him about them and he tries to talk me out of it. I don't know why he tries to talk me out of my weirdo plans, since next week there will be some other odd thought that will pop into my head.

Here's today's conversation...

Mandy: I think I want to learn how to be a mechanic.
J: You want to do what?
Mandy: I want to learn how to be a mechanic.
J: You don't want to be a mechanic, your fingernails would get dirty.
Mandy: I could wear gloves.
J: They do make gloves that are petroleum resistant.
Mandy: See...
J: I just don't think you would like being a mechanic.
Mandy: Oooo, how about a welder?
J: A welder?
Mandy: Yep, I could be just like Alex in Flashdance!
J: You would have to be a stripper at night.
Mandy: No...she wasn't a stripper, she was a FLASHDANCER, hence the name of the movie.
J: A Flashdancer.
Mandy: Yep, and that's not a stripper. Don't you remember, she got mad at her friend for stripping at that club and pulled her out of there in nothing but her g-string.
J: I don't remember much about Flashdance.
Mandy: Well, how could you not like Flashdance, it had Cynthia Rhodes in it. And any movie with Cynthia Rhodes is awesome in my opinion. So, I'm going to start researching welding schools.
J: I hate to break this to you, but welders burn themselves all the time. And electrocuted.
Mandy: Electrocuted? How do they get electrocuted?
J: The welding equipment is run with electricity. How do you think people weld.
Mandy: I don't know, with a blow torch or something.
J: That's called cutting.
Mandy: Then I'll be a cutter...and not in a weird EMO way.
J: I have to go. You're driving me nuts.
Mandy: Ok, talk to you later.

And this isn't even one of the weirder conversations.

Until next time...

Mandy