What evil, dirty, nasty things I would do to Enrique Iglesias.
I am watching Dancing with the Stars as I type this, and the guest singer is Enrique! I thought Apolo Anton Ohno was beautiful, but he does not hold a candle to Enrique! AND...I've met Enrique.
Picture it, Houston 1997...
I was working at a 4 star hotel near Intercontinental Airport in the reservations department. The phone rang...
Me: Good morning, this is Single Girl. How may I help you today?
Guest: I need to book a reservation for your presidential suite.
Me: Ok, no problem. What's the last name of the guest?
Guest: Iglesias.
Me: Ok, the first name?
Guest: Enrique.
Me: Excuse me? As in Enrique Iglesias, Son of Julio?
Guest: Yes ma'am.
(More dialogue that is not really important to this story.)
Me: Ok, I have the presidential suite confirmed for Enrique Iglesias.
(I hang up the phone)
Me: (screaming) OH MY GOOOOOOD!!!! ENRIQUE IGLESIAS IS STAYING HERE!!!!!!!
I immediately had to run to the front desk and let them know that I had just booked a reservation for Enrique.
The fateful day came, Enrique checked in. I was off. FUUUUCKKKKKK! My house was about 30 miles from the hotel, but don't think it didn't cross my mind to just go up there and sit in the lobby. But, sadly, my boss knew what I was thinking and said, "Single Girl, don't even think about it." So, I stayed home that day, calling every thirty minutes to find out if he had checked in.
Fast forward 2 days...
It was Enrique's check out date. I made sure to tell the front desk agents to call me and let me know when he came down to check out. I sat there and thought about all of the things I could say to Enrique...
"I love you"
"Marry me"
"Would you mind if I took my clothes off and mounted you right here in the lobby?"
No, none of that would do, so I decided to play it by ear. You know, just let it flow.
The call came. I jumped up, knocking my chair over, I nearly fell over the chair. Let me tell you, it's hard to sprint out of an office in heels. But, I ignored the fact that I twisted my ankle, I decided that I probably shouldn't run 1. Because it didn't look professional. 2. I didn't want to look desperate and star-struck. 3. My ankle REALLY hurt! So, I decided to walk briskly.
Finally, I got to the front desk. (I was just a little winded.) I thought to myself, I need to look like I came up here for something. I looked around. I found a report that had been run 3 hours earlier, perfect. So, I am looking over this report and I looked up and there he was standing at the front desk. As I stood there, looking at him I realized just how beautiful he was. He had on black track pants, a plain white t-shirt and a black baseball cap. He has to be at least 6' tall, probably taller. I just remember thinking to myself, "Oh my God, this has to be the most beautiful man I have ever seen." So, here was my moment to say something intelligent, witty, illuminatig...I opened my mouth, and nothing came out. Instead of words, the only sound I could make was "ehhh". Then, I started to sweat. I could feel the beads of sweat start to form on my forehead and the ever ladylike sweat mustache. WHY COULDN'T I SAY ANYTHING?!?!?!? Then, in a blink of an eye he was out the front door. I had missed my chance. But, I have to think, if I would have been able to actually form words and didn't start sweating like a whore in church...Anna Kornikova would have never had a chance.
Until next time...
Single Girl
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
You don't even want to know...
Posted by Amanda at 7:15 PM
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5 comments:
HAHAHA! Oh, Single Girl, you're wit and personality are so wasted! You should start writing scripts for SNL! I've never been a big fan of Enrique, but he got so much hotter when he got that mole removed. Is that shallow of me to say that? It kind of freaked me out...like there was always a roach or something sitting on his face ready to fly out at me...EEK!
Oh. My. GOD!!! That is freakin' HILARIOUS! You are a fan-damn-tastic narrator, you really are ... you write exactly the way you speak. I could actually see you in my mind, telling this story with many hand gestures and overly-dramatic facial expressions. Heehee!
And I agree about Enrique. I have always found him to be extremely hot, even WITH the strange mole. I don't think you're shallow, Rice Spice, as the mole was a little large and in a rather obvious location, but that man would be drop-dead gorgeous even if he lost an eye and went bald ... ok, maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, but pirate eye patches ARE sort of hot, in a very Johnny Depp/Pirates of the Caribbean sort of way, and hair is overrated anyway ... oh, f-k it, Enrique is one fine piece of man meat. The end.
Well ladies, when I met Mr. Iglesias the mole was still attached, but it did not make any difference...he was still BEAUTIFUL! This was when he was still just a spanish artist he had not crossed over yet. I have no idea why I knew who he was, but shortly there after he started doing Mervyn's commercials. I was nearly electricuted once while I was licking the television. :)
"I have to think, if I would have been able to actually form words and didn't start sweating like a whore in church..."
Nothing is hotter than a mute whore.
Loved this entry. :)
Thank you so much Sublime Enigma! The only thing better than a mute whore is a mute dude that can part his hair with his tongue!!! ;) he he he!!!
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