Barefoot and Blind...

is not a good look for jail.

A year ago today I was speeding down Space Center Blvd., apparently I was doing 55 in a 40 so I was pulled over. The very cute policeman came up to my window and I gave him my license and insurance and he went back to his car and ran my information. I was sitting in my car, minding my own business, and he came back to my window and the rest goes like this...

Officer: Ms. Girl, can you please step out of the vehicle?
Single Girl: Sure.
Officer: Ms. Girl, can you please step to the rear of the vehicle?
Single Girl: Sure.
Officer: Single Girl, you are under arrest.
Single Girl: WHAT!!! FOR WHAT?
(As I am being handcuffed.)
Officer: You have a warrant for your arrest from 2001.
(As he pats me down to make sure I have no weapons.)
Single Girl: NO I DON'T.
Officer: Yes you do.
(As he puts me in the vehicle.)

As I sat in the back of the police car, a calm came over me. I wasn't crying, I wasn't screaming, and I wasn't freaking out. I just sat there and watched my car get hooked up to a tow truck and hauled off. Did you know there is no A/C in the backseat of a patrol car? Here's another little piece of information...handcuffs are not comfortable, they actually hurt a little bit. I had bruises around my wrists for a week. I will say this, THANK GOD this warrant for the City of Webster and not Harris County! With that being said, when the officer got back in the car and started driving me to the "the joint", I asked him what was going to happen once I got there. We talked back and forth and the whole time my fingers are turning blue because the handcuffs are too tight. Anyway, we make it to the "slammer" and he escorts me into the holding tank, then takes the cuffs off of me. Now, don't forget that I am in the City of Webster, and I am the ONLY inmate. A different officer takes me back and takes my, are you ready for this, mug shot. So, yes kiddos...I have a mug shot! This officer then escorts me back to my holding tank and sticks me in there for like 5 minutes. Then he pulls me out and actually let me make phone calls on the city's land line. He gave me my cell phone and let me look up numbers to find someone to come and get me. Sadly, since it was the 12th and everyone I know gets paid on the 15th, the possibility of someone coming to get me was looking grim. So, I had come to the realization that I was probably going to be spending the night in jail. By this time it was time for me to be put in my cell. For some reason, that day I was wearing my glasses...the booking officer made me give him my glasses. I explained to him that I could not see anything without them...he didn't care. So I handed them over. Then, he asked for...MY SHOES! I was wearing slip on, leather sandals. Ok people, I was the only one in the jail, what the hell was I going to do with my glasses and shoes. Did they think I would be able to make a weapon out of the glasses, or better yet, maybe I was going to use my shoe as a shovel and dig my way out. I don't know, all I know is I was hanging out in jail blind and barefoot...I was not happy! So, the officer takes me by the arm and leads me to my cell. Right in front of the door was a stack of pillows and blankets, he handed me one of each and put me in. As I'm sitting on my little bed, I realize that I need to pee. I looked around and saw a big, silver blob over in the corner. (Remember, they took my glasses) I got up and walked over there and realized the blob was a toilet. I decided, I could hold it. One of the officers came to my cell and slid a message under the door...it was from Big Daddy!!! Apparently one of my friends found him and told him what happened. When I called him, he told me he was on his way. So, as I sat there waiting for Big Daddy, I started thinking about weird things. The one thing that kept coming in my mind was... What if this place catches fire and they forget about me??? Then I started thinking...I wish someone else would get put in here, I'm bored. So, I decided to lay back and sleep until Big Daddy got there. Then, all of a sudden I heard the cell door open and they said..."Girl, you're free to go." So they took me back to the booking officer and he started giving me my stuff back. Once I had my shoes and glasses back on, I looked at him and said, "You have to admit, I've been an exemplary prisoner." He looked back at me and giggled, "Yes you have." I walked out the doors and into freedom. Big Daddy and two of my friends were there waiting on me. I had never been so happy to see people in my entire life. Big Daddy took me to pick up my car then I went home and took a very hot, very long shower and pumiced the first four layers of skin off my feet.

Until next time...

Single Girl