You are not going to believe this...

A couple of weeks ago, I received a message on the personals from a guy we'll call Fuck Face. You will understand why I have decided to name him that later in this post.

So, like I said, Fuck Face contacted me through the personals and asked if he could contact me. I gave him my yahoo IM thingy and told him I looked forward to talking to him. Here is what he says about himself on his personals account...

"I'm into high speed skipping, juggling poisonous reptiles, nude square dancing, blind folded bike riding, and sometimes I like to walk along the beach and bury old people in lots of sand. Keeps them and myself on our toes and makes life more enjoyable I think. No, seriously though I'm looking for a funny,attractive girl who will hold my heart and attention forever.I sometimes have a dark sense of humor and can find beauty in almost anything. I can sing but I can't dance(looking for a teacher on that one)unless its square dancing of course but I hear thats illegal in most states. No thats nude square dancing. I'll go to almost any length to make you smile. Let me know and I'll send you a poem. A nice one, nothing morbid, like the other stuff I write.my likes and dislikes are as followsI like originality.I like mexican food.I like good music like tool, nin,the doors, the cure, ministry, to good country music.The older I get the more I find myself listening to country. I like all music as long as it is good and original. I dislike shallow, whiny, superficial, self-indulgent people.I dislike people who are conceited and that makes up a vast majority of society so I like the unique and original beauty in a woman. Looks matter, don't get me wrong but if your not glowing from the inside then you don't need love because chances are you only have enough love for just yourself and your mirror. I respect honesty and courage.I like a girl who still plays in the rain and doesn't melt. I have a 5 year old son who is too cute for this world. I'm not just saying that cuz I'm his daddy. I'm mean the kid is really cute and very smart. He is my heart and soul. There is nothing more exhilirating than being a father and nothing more TERRIFYING. I like staying in and watching movies a lot and singing karoake.I used to be in a band called "plethora of deception" but hung up my hat cuz of my son.I love going to kemah once in a while for lunch/dinner. I still like to go to clubs/bars every now and then and have some belgium beer.I like to travel but not fly or anything because its not really the destination but its the journey that matters. I think I read that somewhere. a universal truth"

So, after I messaged him back through the personals I didn't hear from him for about a week, then I got an email on my yahoo email address. Here is what it said...

"Hey there, my name is Fuck Face and I got a message from you on yahoo personals. Anyway, if your name is Single Girl then I would like to chat with you sometime and i hope this is your email address. If your name is something other than Single Girl please disregard this and sorry. I was the guy whose profile said something like I'm into high-speed skipping and tongue wrestling and throwing old people and nude square dancing etc...God, i hope this is your email or this person is gonna be like "what the?????"???" I have a bizarre sense of humor, I know> But a sense of humor none the less. Bye for now. Here is my pic too"

So I emailed him this...

"Well hello there Fuck Face, you are in luck...my name is Single Girl. I was wondering what happened to you.

I'm going to have to go and re-read your profile. I thought I was the only one into high-speed skipping, I have the trophy to prove it...1st place Tri-county, I'm currently training for the state competition!

Anyway, if you are on yahoo messenger my id thingy is deleted. I will be home tonight. I really look forward to talking to you."

Then another week goes by and I get this...

"Hi, my name is Fuck Face and I believe I had an interview with your company last week or the week before but my fiance had thrown away the pertinent information on the company name and directions. If you still have a position available I would like to interview for it if that is within the realm of possibilities. I apologize for the mistake on my part and if this is the wrong email address please disregard this email. I am resubmitting my resume to you.

Thank You,
Fuck Face

So I replied with this...

"No, my company is not hiring at the moment, the reason you have my email address is because you sent me the following email. Hopefully, your fiancee checks your email.

Single Girl"

(And I attached the origingal email.)

What a fucking dumb ass, he attached his resume to the email so now I have his home address and his phone number. He should be glad that I am not some crazy person!!!

I feel bad for his fiancee. She's probably sitting there, happier than a pig in poo, planning a wedding.

Now you know why his name is Fuck Face. And no, he will not be added to my illustrious list of names...He doesn't deserve it.

Until next time...

Single Girl