A Man with a Beard in NYC

A couple of posts ago, I mentioned a man that I named Short Timer. Well, Short Timer will be leaving for NYC in a couple of weeks. One thing I did not mention is that Short Timer has a beard. I'm not talking boy band, skinny beard, I'm not talking Miami Vice "stubble"...no, I'm talking full-blown, thick, letmerunmyfingersthroughyourbeard beard. There are a lot of men who could not pull this look off, but somehow it works for him. With that being said, here is what I think will happen once he makes the move to NYC...

When our hero arrives in New York City with his two children (dogs) he doesn't know what to expect. Like so many others, he has come to "the Big Apple" to start a new life. All of his posessions belong to others in Houston now. All he has is his clothes, his dogs, his computer and a dream.

It's a beautiful autumn day, the sun is shining, there are white, puffy clouds in bright blue skies, leaves are starting to turn from green to red and orange and there is a cool breeze in the air, so Short Timer decides to take the dogs for a walk in Central Park. As he is looking around and playing with the dogs a man walks up to him and starts studying Short Timers face. Short Timer looks at the man and notices that he has a beard also and thinks to himself, "That guy looks very familiar." Just as Short Timer starts to walk away the bearded man starts talking to him...

The Man: (shaking Short Timer's hand) I'm Phil Olsen, founder and self-appointed captain of Beard Team USA.

Short Timer: Hi, I'm Short Timer.

Phil Olsen: Has anyone ever told you that you have a magnificent beard? Have you ever thought of registering it and competing?

At this point, Short Timer looks at him with shock and disbelief.

Short Timer: As a matter of fact, I have considered doing that.

Phil Olsen: Come with me, let's go get some lunch and talk.

They go to a small bistro and sit outside. Short Timer sets a bowl of water on the ground so the dogs don't get parched.

Phil Olsen: Have you ever heard of Beard Team USA?

Short Timer: I actually have, I've been reading the Beard Team USA blog for several months now.

Phil Olsen: I think you are exactly what the team has been looking for.

Short Timer: What do you mean?

Phil Olsen: We have been looking for someone to be the "face" of Beard Team USA. What do you do for a living?

Short Timer: I just moved here, I'm currently looking for a job.

Phil Olsen: Well, look no further...I've got big plans for you.

Short Timer's life was never the same after that brief meeting. It all started with his first competition...The World Beard and Mustache Championship in Anchorage, Alaska. For a year, Short Timer had taken care of his beard, he made sure to shampoo and condition it every night, he combed it once a day (100 strokes to promote shine.) Once he arrived at the Championship, people started to take notice. No one's beard compared to the one that Short Timer had. At the end of the championship they announced the winner...SHORT TIMER! It was at that moment that Phil Olsen knew that he had made the right choice for the "face" of Beard Team USA. Not only did Short Timer have a beard that far surpassed everyone else's, he also had boyish good looks and a sense of humor that made everyone instantly like him. After the first competition, Short Timer started going on interviews...There was Live with Regis and Kelly, the Today Show, The Howard Stern Show, and E! News Daily. He was an immediate star! Soon after all the media attention started, Beard MADNESS began. Every man in the U.S. started growing beards and every woman wanted to be with a man who had a beard. Short Timer knew that with his beard and his dry wit he was destined for more than the poster boy for Beard Team USA, then the call came that he had been waiting his whole life for. VH1 called him while he was on his way home to visit friends and family in Houston...they wanted him to be one of the people that talked about current events on "The Best Week Ever." He told them he would have to think about it, because he didn't want to sound too eager...he called them the next day and accepted their offer. He has since become one of the more popular commentators on VH1 and can be seen as one of the segments on VH1's "I Love the 2000's: 2009 - Beard Madness." I will be able to say, I hung out with that guy a couple of times.

So, there you go...my prediction for Short Timer. You never know, it could happen.

And yes, I do know, I am a dork.

Until next time...

Single Girl