Terra and I went to Opelousas, LA this weekend for her birthday. (Not because Opelousas is a party town but because her family lives there.) Saturday night, all the girls got all fancy so we could go to a couple of bars. We get to the first bar, Triple Crown, and we were all standing around talking waiting for the band to start. Before we went out, I told Terra that there would be a theme for the nights pictures...DIRTY HAND GESTURES!
Terra and me on the way to the bar
SHOCKER!
An oldie but a goodie. Seriously, when was the last time you saw that hand gesture?
Double Shocker...one with a trigger and one without. It's just your personal preference.
I ran out of hand gestures, so I just started grabbing boobs.
This is Jonathon...Terra's cousin's husband.
Terra and SarahSo, after a couple of hours at Triple Crown...the night went downhill from there. The group of people we went out with decided they wanted to go to a place called...Cowboys. As we were walking out of the first bar, we found out the car assignments had changed. Terra and I had originally been riding with Amanda and Corey but then another couple needed to ride with them so then we were going to ride with Sarah and Jonathon...but, there was a car seat in their backseat. So, I made the announcement..."Does anyone have room for me? I can't fit in a car seat." So Douche Bag # 1, we'll call him David tells me that his friend, Douche Bag # 2 is riding by himself and I should just ride with him. So, I'm all, "OK." And that's when the night jumped directly into the hand basket and off to hell we went.
First, let me describe Jason...he's your run of the mill douche bag. He wears his Affliction shirt with his baggy pants, he's a little over weight yet he claims to be an MMA fighter and even has "Tapout" tattooed on his forearm.
So, I hop in the passenger seat of the truck and he's being all rude to me and stuff. And, here's how that conversation went...
Me: Dude, if you didn't want me to ride with you, all you would have had to say is...Bitch, I don't want you in my car.
Him: Whatever, it's fine.
Me: Are you OK to drive?
Him: I'm pretty good.
Me: OK, just don't kill me.
He starts playing music really loud so I just sit there, quietly. Then he starts driving 90 miles an hour down the freeway.
Then he tells me that he needs to stop by an ATM. So, we go to a Shell station right across the busy street from the bar we were supposed to end up at. It was at that moment that I realized that all my money and my I.D. was in my purse...with Terra. We both got out of the truck...
Me: *While shifting my weight back and forth doing the pee pee dance* I'm going to run to the ladies room real quick, don't leave me here.
Him: Look, the bar is right accross the street.
Me: I don't give a fuck where it is, DO NOT LEAVE ME HERE.
Him: Well hurry up, or I will leave you here.
Me: *Still shifting my weight* YOU LISTEN TO ME RIGHT HERE AND RIGHT NOW. IF YOU LEAVE ME HERE, I WILL WALK MY HAPPY ASS ACROSS THIS STREET, GO INTO THAT BAR, I WILL FIND YOU AND *while punching the air* I WILL HIT YOU IN THE FACE. DO YOU HEAR ME? I AM IN LOUISIANA, I AM IN HIGH HEELS, ALL OF MY MONEY AND MY I.D. ARE WITH TERRA...DO NOT LEAVE ME HERE.
Him: OK, fine...just hurry up!
When I walk out of the bathroom, Jason is standing there...
Me: Oh wow, you didn't leave me.
Him: The ATM took longer than I thought.
Me: That's awesome.
Him: OK, let's go.
We park behind the bar and I walk on one side of the bar and he walks on the other. When we get to the entrance, he just walks in and leaves me standing in front of the bar...by myself. Finally, Terra gets there, I get my money and I.D. we walk in and Jason and I spend the rest of the evening avoiding and giving dirty looks to each other. I figured, with a name like Cowboys, that it was a country bar which was fine, except they don't two step...I'm not sure what they were doing and when you throw in an accordion...it gets even weirder. Then, as I was standing there, minding my own business a black guy in a cowboy hat grabs my ass then after that, some guy who came up to my boobs asked me to dance. Yep, just another night out in Mandy's world!
Until next time...
Mandy
7 comments:
This sounds like fun. You totally should have punched him anyway. I love a man that will leave a girl stranded. What an asshole! But, at least you made it.
Oh, and accordions make for some odd dancing, but it sure is fun!
If your life was a movie, Jason is totally the guy you would end up with in the end.
Or you would kill him.
Either way, it would be a good movie. :-)
"some guy who came up to my boobs asked me to dance."
I know you are referring to his height, but when I read that the first time a completely different picture popped into my head.
Oh Sublime, you crack me up. Yeah, I guess the use of a comma would have been helpful. :)
I agree. You should've punched him, preferable in the nose. Maybe you would have broken it! That would have been AWESOME.
well, at least your douche bag didn't bring a chic with him!!!!
"I'm not sure what they were doing and when you throw in an accordion...it gets even weirder."
Oh my god, that line is hilarious!
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