The "F" Word

I was talking to a friend last night and we got on the subject of weird quirks. This friend hasn't known me for very long, so he was unaware of how strange I actually am.

I was telling him about my dislike of butt warmth and a few other things, then I told him my stance on bodily functions. For those who don't know, I HATE discussing them. I think bodily functions are, probably, one of the most disgusting topics anyone can discuss. I've mentioned before that Nanny drilled into my head, "Nice young ladies don't _______." When my family was staying over at Terra and Lyndon's, she and I were sitting on the patio smoking and, apparently, I forgot where I was and I burped. She looked at me, with eyes as big as saucers, and said, "That is the first time I have ever heard you burp." And she's known me since 1997. Anyway, here's how the conversation went...

Me: I hate to talk about bodily functions.
Him: Really?
Me: Yep, I pretend like they don't exist.
Him: That's weird.
Me: I told you, I'm a little on the odd side.
Him: I'm noticing that.
Me: I hate the "F" word.
Him: What?
Me: Looks around, cups my hand over my mouth and whispers...FART.
Him: (Laughing) Why?
Me: I don't know, I think it is one of the ugliest, tackiest words ever. That, and I would get in massive trouble if I said when I was growing up.
Him: (Laughing) So, you never use that word.
Me: Nope, but oddly enough, the word Fuck doesn't bother me one bit. I guess only parts of the Southern Belle training stuck.
Him: I think you got your "F" words mixed up.
Me: Probably.

I think I need electro-shock therapy.

Until next time...

Mandy