And They Wonder Why

Republicans wonder why people are leaving the party...I'll tell you why people are leaving...because all of the elected officials are effing hypocrites.

I am so SICK of every time a friggin' political sex scandal happens, it's a member of the Republican party. You know, the party that says it stands for "Family Values." Last time I checked, valuing your family did not include screwing around on your wife!

And

The party that stresses that marriage should be defined as "one man and one woman." Isn't it funny how many gay sex scandals have happened over the past couple of years and they've all been Republicans.

Here's my advice...

Put down your guns...No one is going to take your right to bear arms away from you.

Let abortion go...Even if Roe vs. Wade is overturned, abortions are still going to happen. Just illegally and women will end up dying. I understand that you don't believe in abortion, all I have to say is...DON'T HAVE ONE! Or, if you are that adamant about abortion being illegal, you need to put your name on the "would like to adopt an unwanted baby list."

Get off the marriage high horse. If two men want to get married, LET THEM...THEY ARE NOT HURTING ANYONE! And, if you are still worried about the "sanctity of marriage" then you need to outlaw divorce and adultery.

And finally...

Quit letting the Religious Right control our party.

We need to get back to what the Republican Party once stood for...MORE PEOPLE, LESS GOVERNMENT!

Seriously, if things don't start changing within our party, there will be one less member in Texas...I should probably start researching Libertarians.

Until next time...

Mandy

A Story That Always Makes Me Laugh

I will not be naming any names in this story, when you get done reading it you'll understand why.

There was a time when I went through a "cowgirl phase." I wore Rocky Mountains and Ropers and went dancing every weekend and for some reason I was extremely attracted to guys in Wranglers with the phrase "Grand Champion Steer" written on their belt buckle. My BFF at the time introduced me to this world...She also introduced me to two team ropers, we'll call them Header and Heeler...because that's what you do when you team rope...one ropes the head (The Header) and one ropes the back feet (The Heeler.) Now, let me tell you this one little tidbit of information, BFF and I were borderline stalkers. We knew which roping arena these guys were at every night of the week. If there was a small rodeo...we were there. And, if they weren't at a roping arena, then our mission for the night was to find them...and we usually did. (Our stalking abilities at 18 years old were astounding.) Oh, don't get me wrong, they'd throw us a bone every now and then and come and visit us, but it was usually us hunting them down...like dogs.

So, one night BFF got a page (does this tell you how long ago this was.) and it was The Ropers. So, we invited them over to my house. Now, the way my old house was set up was...

Street
Circular Driveway
Grandparents House and Carport
Sidewalk and Swimming Pool
My house

So, we had the guys pull up in front of the carport...right under the enormous, motion activated flood light, right next to my grandfather's bedroom window.

So, the guys are there and BFF is talking to Header while Heeler and I are sitting on the tailgate of the truck, and I notice that BFF and Header have gotten in the cab of the truck and then Heeler leans over and kisses me. So, he and I started making out. Then out of nowhere, my mother power walks up to the truck...

Mom: MANDY...GET OVER HERE NOW!
Mandy: What?
Mom: These boys have to leave...NOW!
Mandy: What, why?
Mom: Because, your grandmother just called to inform me that Paw Paw just saw BFF giving Header a blow job.
Mandy: WHAT!?!?!?!?
Mom: That's right...So, get them out of here...NOW!

Mandy: (Knocking on the door of the truck) BFF, Header and Heeler have to go.
BFF: Why?
Mandy: Because Paw Paw just saw you going down on Header.
BFF: Just tell him I had my head in his lap.
Mandy: Dude, your head was bobbing up and down...what am I supposed to tell him, that Header was tapping his foot to the beat of the music???

Let me tell you, this was not funny at the time...but looking back on it now, Mom, BFF and I will laugh until we have tears rolling down our faces.

Until next time...

Mandy

Can I Call You Eddie?

I got a phone call from Oscar, A.K.A. Vegan, last night and I thought I was going to pee my pants I was laughing so hard by the end of the conversation. It went a little something like this...

Oscar: So, I walked into this store today that sold prints and posters and things like that over off of West Alabama.
Me: Oh yeah, did you find anything?
Oscar: I asked the guy if they had anything with pinups on it or Bettie Page. (This is why Oscar and I are such good friends. We both have an unhealthy obsession with Ms. Page. The only reason he started talking to me...MY BANGS!) And the guy looked at me like I was crazy and said no all rude.
Me: Really, that's not cool.
Oscar: So, I pointed to one of the pictures and said, "How much is this?"And the guy looked at me and said, "It's very expensive."
Me: NO SIR, he went all Pretty Woman on you?
Oscar: Yeah, and then I said, "Well how much is it?" and the guy said, "$4000, it's an original." I almost pulled out my American Express to buy it, just to take it back tomorrow.
Me: So, what did you do?
Oscar: I walked out.
Me: You know what you should do?
Oscar: What?
Me: You should put your suit on tomorrow and go in there with a big, bunch of bags and say, "You work on commission, right?"
Oscar: (Laughing) Big Mistake. Huge. I've got more shopping to do.
Me: It's a good thing we don't live close to each other...we would SOOO be doing that this weekend!

Until next time...

Mandy

Hotter than Hell

You want to know what's hotter than hell...HOUSTON, TX. It is ninety-effin'-four degrees in Houston, TX today, and that's actual temperature...that's not "feels like" temperature. The "feels like" temperature is ONE HUNDRED DEGREES! That's right folk, we are only in the third week in June and we are already approaching triple digits and there is no rain in sight. I'm no meteorologist, but the weather being this warm does not give me warm fuzzies about hurricane season. The warmer the gulf, the more severe the storms. I have a feeling the phrase "sweating like a whore in church" will be used quite frequently this summer.

Until next time...

Mandy

I Have Never Been an XS

For the two men out there that read my blog, an XS is an Extra-Small in women's clothing. And guess what, I have NEVER been an XS. I have always had a bubble butt and large thighs. I mean look at that picture at the top of my blog, even as a little girl I had big thighs. And you know what, I have a feeling there are WAY more women like me than there are Kate Mosses in the world.

Saturday, I was watching The Fashion Show on Bravo. I have become addicted to this show and fallen even more in love with Isaac Mizrahi. (I watched a documentary on him several years ago and he did an entire winter line using Nanook of the North as his inspiration. He also had an entire line of clothes at Target, and who doesn't love Target?) Anyway, the last episode had the designers designing outfits for "real women." When Isaac and Kelly Rowland announced this, you would have thought they were asking these people to design clothes for an entire leper colony. If you look at the women that were modeling the clothes, you will see that they are not that big. I think the largest on was a size 14, which last I heard, was the average size for a woman in America. One woman said that her favorite part of her body was her butt and when they took the measurements, her hips were like 42". And you know what, GOD BLESS HER! These designers were complaining that they had to pad their dress forms and one even started crying. Then there was James-Paul, who actually said things like a real woman's body doesn't inspire him and he actually said that this challenge was like "...asking Jesus Christ to work with Satan." (After those comments, I say eff you! I'm ready for him to go home!) This is the problem people. Designers need to finally realize that women are not only thin, but they are also curvy, large busted, small busted, long legged, short-waisted, broad shouldered, etc... I really wish department stores, buyers, and designers would realize that just because a woman is larger than a 10, it doesn't automatically mean that she wants to wear elasto-pants, broomstick skirts and denim vests with children holding hands embroidered across the back. Guess what, wanting to feel pretty and sexy is not exclusive to women who are thin.

Until next time...

Mandy

GO BIG GIRL, GO BIG GIRL, GO!

Saturday night I had to attend a high school drill team banquet. I have only been to one of these since we started the alumni association back in 2003, but they asked me to go since it was my last year. Let me say this, banquets are NO fun once you've graduated. They give all these silly awards that are funny when you're a member of the team but make absolutely no sense if you you're not. They do a Remember When" thing, here are a couple of sentences that were said that my jaw nearly hit the table...

"Remember when Molly farted at officer camp?"
"Remember when Holly blew a snot bubble during practice?"
"Remember when Polly SHARTED during practice?"

Let me say this, if I was Molly, Holly or Polly, I would have kicked someone's ass. I am not even joking. I would have asked my date to hold my purse, I would have jumped out of my chair and started beating on these girls.

Anyway, so after all the awards were handed out and the slide show began, we all ducked out and headed to Stetson's, a country bar. Now, we have just left a banquet so we are all wearing dresses and heels...we are way dressier than the rest of the patrons at the bar. I do need to point this out, of my group, I was the oldest and largest. We find a spot and order drinks and I notice this guy standing a couple of people down from me at the bar and I think to myself, "He's cute! But, he looks pretty young." So, we're all laughing and having a good time then the "boogie down" music comes on, so we decide to get on the floor and shake our groove thang for a minute. Once the country music starts again we make our way off the floor and I go and grab my drink and cute guy comes up to our group and says, "Would you like to dance?" And I look at Alicia, waiting for her answer and he says, "No, you." When I look at him I say, "Oh, me?" Then he grabbed my hand and led me on the dance floor. So, once the song was over we said our thank you's for the dance and went back to our spots at the bar. Then around 1a Jolyn said there was another bar she wanted to go to, so we started closing out tabs and finishing drinks. Then, cute guy was standing across the bar from us and he said, "You in the white dress..." and Jolynn looked at Alicia and said, "He's talking to you." and Alicia said, "I'm not wearing a white dress, he's talking to Amanda." And when I looked up, he asked me to come over there. We talked for a moment and he told me how cute, pretty, blah, blah, blah I was and he asked me for my phone number. That's when I asked him..."How old are you?" I expected him to say 22, but he said, "I'm 27." So, I start thinking, "That's not THAT much younger than me." So, I give him my phone number. The rest of my group grabs me and we leave. We go to the other bar, have time for one drink and one dance then it's time to go.

Once I get back to Jolyn's house, my phone starts buzzing...it's cute guy texting me. Then, cute guy calls me and we talk until about 3:30am.

And he's been texting and calling since Saturday. He seems like a nice guy and he's funny, so we'll see what happens.

Oh, and you know how I said that 27 didn't seem that much younger than me, well the other night he said something about when he graduated...2000! That's when it hit me, this guy wasn't even born until 1982...I WAS IN THE FIRST GRADE! Oh well, maybe I'll try being a cougar for a while.

Until next time...

Mandy

Thank You Laura!

OH MY GOD! Laura posted this video on facebook and I nearly fell out of my chair. Watch it, you won't be disappointed!



Until next time...

Mandy