I exercised again last night. I am 2 for 2 this week! Last night, I used a video that I bought. And you know what...it wasn't that bad. It's called "Tank Top Arms, Bikini Belly and Boy Short Butt." I would like all three of these attributes; so , hopefully this video delivers.
My one gripe about these home workout videos is...
The instructors are so saccharine sweet it gets on my nerves.
"That's it, you're doing great!"
How do you know I'm doing great, you stupid tv lady!
"Doesn't the burn feel good?!"
Uhhh, no. If the burn felt good, everyone would be doing this. The very fact that it's called "the burn" shows that it's not a pleasant feeling!
"Give yourself a hand, you did a great job!"
Fuck you, why would I clap for myself in my living room.
No, I want a video that tells it like it is...
Video Title: Get Up Off Your Couch, You Fat Ass!
Ok, if you keep going, your ass won't jiggle when you walk!
Do four more reps if you would like to get rid of your arm wing span!
I know squats hurt, but in the long run your thighs won't burn from the heat rash that you get when your thighs rub together when you walk...KEEP SQUATTING!
I understand crunches SUCK ASS, but unless you want to continue to look like the Michelin Man, I suggest you keep crunchin' away!
And once you have reached the end of the workout...
OK ladies/gentlemen, you actually did something good for yourself. I know it doesn't seem like it at the moment, but once you are able to breathe again and you have soaked up the puddle of sweat that you are standing in, I want you to go in your kitchen, get a garbage bag, open your cabinet and refrigerator and put the following items in the trash bag...
cheetos
kit kat
ben & jerry
ding dongs
ho hos
twinkies
etc...
Just to be on the safe side, if something tastes REALLY good...put it in the bag. Once you are done, tie the bag up, walk outside and throw the bag in the dumpster. Now, if you do this and continue to work out to Get Up Off Your Couch, You Fat Ass!, you will no longer have the tub of lard look you are currently sporting. See ya tomorrow!
Now THAT'S a video I would buy!
Until next time...
Mandy
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Just Be Honest
Posted by Amanda at 9:27 AM
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5 comments:
Too funny! I nominate you to create said video!!!
I do, too! And I would totally not only BUY that video, but work out to it! That is MY kind of motivation!
I have taken many video production classes. Let's get on this!
I know what you mean. Exercise sucks. I just want to be lazy and skinny.
Life is so not fair!
You totally get addicted to working out. At some point, when the basic stuff is easy...you'll miss it when you haven't done it for a while.
I only know because I used to hate working out...but I haven't been to the gym at all this week nor have I done martial arts...and I'm fiending for it.
Congrats on getting started! :)
Hahaha, now that made me smile!! I've recently lost all gym motivation and really can feel things don't feel that good and wobble so maybe you could do me a video and I might get my fat ass off the couch that way xx
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