As you all know, I got dumped for Jesus a couple of weeks ago. The week after the dumping happened I went and hung out with my friends, Shawn and Brian. I was in a funk, feeling sorry for myself and thinking ridiculous things like...
There is something wrong with me.
I drive people away.
Maybe things would have been different if I spoke Spanish.
He wouldn't have left if I had been thinner.
It's because I'm so tall! I can only imagine what I look like when I walk in a bar...I probably look like Godzilla about to take out a small village in Tokyo! (Yes, this sentence actually came out of my mouth.)
That's when Shawn and Brian said to me..."Mandy, fuck him! He wasn't good enough for you, obviously, because if he was he wouldn't have left you."
So, when I got home, I thought to myself, "Yeah, fuck him!" So, I joined a dating website...it's the same website that my friend met her boyfriend. And you know what I've come to realize...I am a FREAK MAGNET!
On this website, when you're logged in, random people can IM you. And for some reason, the majority of the men that have contacted me think it's perfectly acceptable to ask me for sex two sentences into our conversation. Guys, this is not hot or sexy! But tonight's freak took the cake...
Guy: Hey, you're cute.
Me: Thanks.
Guy: How are you
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH NOT IMPORTANT
Guy: So, we live in the same area.
Me: Yeah, I guess so.
Guy: Do you want to go out sometime?
Me: I don't know, I haven't even talked to you yet.
Guy: Well, would you mind if I was totally submissive?
Me: Umm, excuse me, what do you mean?
Guy: Would you mind being my personal dominatrix?
Me: Wow, that's the first time I've ever been asked that. Is there something about me that looks like a dom?
Guy: No, not really, but you live so close.
Me: Ummm, no, I don't think I would be okay with that.
Guy: There wouldn't be anything sexual, you could put me in a nice collar and lead me around.
Me: Ummm, no, I don't think I would want to do that.
Guy: I'm not only into BDSM, I also like ABDL.
Me: Okay, I don't know what ABDL is.
Guy: Adult Baby Diaper Lover.
Me: Okay, that's it, I've got to go.
Now that I'm single again, y'all are in for a treat...weirdos, freaks and losers. If you have a significant other, go give them a hug.
Until next time...
Mandy
Thursday, March 11, 2010
What?
Posted by Amanda at 9:11 PM
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6 comments:
hey! I'm single again too! We can meet weirdos together!
Woot!
You should have said "yes." Seriously. Put the man in a Depends and lead him around town on a leash... but charge him $50.
His abject humiliation would be your new shoes/mani-pedi/night of drinks to wash away the memory.
;)
Hahahahahahahahahahahah! Hahahahahahahaha! Hahahahahahahaha! I can't believe how this stuff happens to you. I mean, I run a close second, but you really do get the best of them! Hahahaha!
Oh man. I would have said yes and charged him.
And how is that not sexual? I mean, I don't know much, but I think bsdm and that diaper thing (which I wouldn't have know either, and you know what jobs I have had!) are kinda sexual. Weird, but sexual!
Ah, dating. It's so much fun!
I've decided I'm single by choice.
One of the most recent guys I went out with told me over dinner that he thinks he's autistic.
Yes. He was serious.
hahahah, well at least your having a go, I keep thinking I'm way too old for this dating business and to be honest I haven't a clue where to start and the net well its not being too kind to this pixy at the mo so I need to re-think where I look. But do keep us updated I enjoy reading about the mongs out there that its not just the english that are total dickheads!!! xx
I love the line, "...but you live so close." Like, "well, you're here, might as well ask if you want to dominate me." And I had no clue what ABDL was. Thanks for enlightening me. I think.
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