Mandy-isms

I have coined a couple of new phrases that have become quite popular with my friends.


Unicorn
Nubicorn
Donkicorn

First, we'll start off with the unicorn

A unicorn, as you all know, is a mythical animal generally depicted with the body and head of a horse, the hind legs of a stag, the tail of a lion, and a single horn in the middle of the forehead. That's the definition in Merriam-Webster. Here's my definition...

A unicorn is a man that is a genuinely nice guy. He's the guy that opens doors, lights cigarettes, and calls or texts you just to say hi. The guy that will take the trash out without you having to ask him. The guy that remembers to put the seat down. The one that places his hand in the small of your back to lead you through a crowded room. The man that will just start rubbing your back for no reason. The guy that will get what you need off the top shelf. A guy that will ask you before you leave, "Is your phone charged?" and "Be careful, call me when you get there." The one that wants to take care of you, not because you need them to but because they want to. The guy that holds your hand or lightly strokes your leg when you're just sitting on the couch watching TV. A man that, although he might not like your friends, he accepts them. Someone who appreciates the nice things his girlfriend/wife/significant other does for him and does not come to expect it. A guy that on the first date doesn't automatically assume that because he bought you dinner/drinks/movie that you are going to sleep with him. And when you do finally sleep with him, he's more concerned with your satisfaction than his own. A guy that can look at you and tell you that you're beautiful even when you first wake up. A man that has his own opinions and respects that you have yours and never degrades or belittles you if your opinions differ from theirs. Someone who won't cheat on you. A man that loves you, not despite, but because of your dorkiness, weird quirks and flaws.

I call these men unicorns, because I think they're mythical...you always hear about them, but have you actually seen them? I thought I saw one once or twice but they ended up either being a nubicorn or a donkicorn.

A nubicorn is almost a unicorn, his horn just hasn't grown in all the way. He's a nice guy, but he falls short in some of the other categories. He might be nice to you, but he's rude to others. Maybe he treats you like gold but is rude to your dog/cat/fish. Or, he's great to you, but he refuses to go around your friends or family. A nubicorn has the potential of turning into a unicorn, but for the most part they usually turn into a donkicorn.

A donkicorn is just a donkey with a strange head growth. They aren't mythical, but they are magical. He's the guy that knows exactly what to say or do when he first meets you to make you think he's this super nice guy (i.e. a unicorn), but then he does something that makes you realize that he's not a unicorn, he's not even a nubicorn, he's just a plain, old jackass. He'll tell you things like, "Wow, I've never been able to open up to a woman like I can with you." or "I've never been as comfortable with anyone else as I am with you." or "I can't wait to see you again." And, of course, it's all crap. They don't mean any of it. Usually, they tell you this stuff on the first date and if you don't automatically strip and mount them, they just move onto the next unsuspecting unicorn hunter. They jump from girl to girl until they find one that hasn't been screwed over by that many donkicorns, and usually they'll date you for a couple of months but then he gets bored and decides to end it or cheat on the girlfriend so she'll end it with him or, take the really crappy route, and just never call or answer calls again. Here are some of the lame excuses a donkicorn might use...

It's not you, it's me.
I'm just not ready for a relationship right now.
You were the first person I went out with after I split with my wife.
I cheated on you because you've put on weight.
I feel like I've turned my back on God, so I can't see you anymore.

Yes, these are all excuses that Donkicorns have given me. Their magic is powerful, but it only lasts a short while. Once the magic fades away, and you're looking at that jackass with that bizarre bump on his head...kick him in the junk and run away!

Until next time...

Mandy