I am so hot and sexy

Not much to say at the moment. But here's a funny little exchange that happened yesterday morning between The Guy and myself...

We were laying in bed talking on a lazy Sunday morning.

Me: Ughhh, my nose won't quit itching!!!
The Guy: Uh oh, I hope you're not getting sick.
Me: I doubt it, I'm slightly allergic to Christmas trees so I get sneezy and stuffy at this time every year.
The Guy: (Turning to look at me.) You're allergic to pine trees.
Me: (Turning to look at him) Yeah.
The Guy: (Pointing at my nose.) You have a booger.
Me: OH MY GOD!

And with that, I shot up out of bed and ran to the ladies' room to blow my nose.

Nothing says hot and sexy like something hanging out of your nose.

I guess we've reached a whole new comfort level in our relationship.

Until next time...

Mandy

What's in a Name

I want to change my name. No, not my first name because Amanda is the most awesome name in the whole world. I'm talking about my last name.

I hate my last name! Seriously, hate doesn't even begin to express how much I dislike my last name...if you combine hate, loathe and detest that might come close to how I feel about my last name. You see, my last name is the only tie that I have to my sperm donor. It pisses me off that I'm walking around with HIS name. When I was growing up, I begged my mother to change our last name to her maiden name, she would always tell me, "Mandy, you're going to get married one day and your last name is going to change. Just be patient." And I've been patient...but let's face it, I'm 33 years old, I've never been married...I've never even been engaged. Every birthday that goes by, is another year that I have to have that man's last name. I mean seriously, the damn thing ends with an x and it's mispronounced ALL. THE. TIME!

When I told the mother of my thoughts on changing my last name, she asked me what I would change it to. I mean, if I go with her maiden name then my name will be a little rhymey and people would expect me to speak Spanish more so than they do now. I thought maybe I could go to the nanny's maiden name, but her maiden name is french, my sister's middle name and it gets mispronounced as much, if not more, than my current name. And here is another dilemma...I've been in the same industry for almost 10 years and I've had customers follow me from one distributor to another, so they know me as Amanda Sperm Donor's last name.

What to do, what to do...

Until next time...

Mandy

They're trying to speak to me!

I think my appliances are out to get me, one by one. Last October I posted this about my dishwasher. For about a month after the dishwasher incident I was scared to use it, so I hand washed everything until the mother told me to get a grip and loaded the dishwasher and started it.

Now, I think my microwave is trying to talk to me.

Let me explain...

About six months ago, I was asleep and around 2a I was woken up by a strange beeping in my house. At first, I thought maybe I needed to change the batteries in my smoke detector, then I realized, no probably not, I've never changed those batteries and they're probably deader than a doornail. So, I get up and follow the strange beeping...I walked down the stairs, through the living room and into my kitchen and that's when I realized my microwave was beeping and beeping LOUD! Not only was there a weird beeping, but I had accidentally left the microwave door open and, it's hard to explain, but the door open and the light coming on and shining on the wall and the cabinet was WAY creepy! I slowly walked over to the microwave and closed the door and the beeping started coming faster! So, in one swift move I unplugged the microwave, and your going to think I'm crazy, but as I was reaching for the plug I start saying in my head...

"Please quit beeping when I unplug you, please quit beeping when I unplug you!"

And it did. So, I went back upstairs and went back to bed.

That weekend, I plugged the microwave back in and that night the same thing happened. So, I got in the habit of keeping the microwave unplugged while not in use. Then I started noticing that when I was heating up my Spagetti-o's it would start beeping at me while the heating up was in progress. This was really starting to freak me out! So, then I started heating up soup, spagettin-o's and raviolis (yes, I know, I eat crap) on the stove.

One night, the guy asked me, "Why don't you heat that up in the microwave?" That's when I told him about the beeping and that I had come to the conclusion that something from beyond was trying to contact me using Morse Code, and I don't speak Morse so I think the fast beeping is them yelling the code at me. (This should tell you how awesome and patient he is) He looked and as serious as he could be...

The Guy: Mandy, have you set the time on your microwave?
Me: No, I don't think I ever have.
The Guy: That could be why it's beeping. Have you looked in your owner's manual?
Me: No, I'm not even sure where that is. I might have thrown it away.
The Guy: So you just put it up there, plugged it in and started heating things up? Didn't read the manual or anything?
Me: Nope, it's a microwave, you plug it in, stick the food in there, and hit start. Why would I need an owner's manual for that.
The Guy: I have a feeling that might be what it is, I don't think anyone is trying to contact you through Morse Code.
Me: Well, I'm not chancing it.

I haven't tried setting the time yet...maybe I'll try that this weekend.

Until next time...

Mandy

I'm Alive!

Hello, my faithful blog followers. Sorry for the lack of posts lately. A lot has been going on, not so much with me, but with friends of mine.

I'm pretty proud of the fact that I'm "drama-free" and I think I've figured out why God has made my life so stressless. (I'm not sure if that's a word or not, but I'm going with it.) Apparently, I was put on Earth to absorb some of my friends problems. I was talking with the mother and told her that this is the first time in my adult life that my friends' problems are more than, "Why didn't he call? He said he was going to call! I slept with him and I never heard from him again! BOO HOO HOO." No, now it's real shit! In the past month this is what I've been there for...

1. A set of friends that are going through a divorce. I am friends with both parties and so I have heard both sides. The male half of the couple started dating a girl very shortly after they split and he has recently broken up with her. So, not only is he dealing with the end of his marriage he's also dealing with the end of a relationship that got way serious way fast.

2. Another friend, who is divorced, is now dealing with serious issues with their ex and most likely is going to go through a very long, drawn out custody fight.

3. Another friend called me at the beginning of October and told me that his addiction to pills had reared it's ugly head and that he was going to go through a month long outpatient rehab type thing.

On a happy note, I have been seeing a guy for the past two months, everything is good and he's pretty awesome and I like him a lot. And that's all I'm going to say about him at this point. I haven't mentioned him here because it seems like whenever I mention a new guy on this little blog, and I get all excited about the prospect of a new guy it blows up in my face. So, I'm going to keep him under wraps for a little while longer.

One thing everyone should know about me...I am a worrier! MASSIVE WORRIER! So much so, that my mother doesn't tell me things until she knows if there is something to worry about or not because she knows that I will sit there and freak out until I get the all clear. The worrying got so bad this weekend that when I was on the phone with the guy he told me he could tell something was wrong and I just busted out crying and said, "I just want everyone's life to get back to normal, I'm worried about everyone and all this stuff is happening and the holidays are coming up blah, blah, blah." He told me that it might be time to step back from my friends and let them know that I'm not actually a licensed therapist and that other people's problems shouldn't bring me to tears.

I know all this, but this is in my nature and you can't change that. I'm a firm believer in friends are the family that you pick. And when anyone in my family is hurt, then I will hurt with them.

Until next time...

Mandy