Slinging a Hot Dog Down a Hallway

I was talking to a friend last night and we were talking about photos that women send via text messaging. Let me start this by saying, I'm all for women feeling sexy and empowered...I don't personally do the naked text photo, but I know there are women that do. I don't do it because once you hit send then that photo belongs to the recipient and they can do whatever they want with it. And, I'm sorry, I do not want my naked body being sent to an entire phone list whether it be on purpose on on accident. But, I get it, if you're comfortable enough with your body and you have no plans on running for public office and you're sending it to your significant other, then whatever...go for it. I don't understand the photos that women send to men that are just of their lady parts...but, hey, if you want to give someone a gynecological eye view of your hoohaa, have at it. But again, you run the risk of your nether regions being blasted out to the masses.

With all that being said, there seems to be a growing trend of photos being taken by average, everyday women with household items inserted in their lady box. After hearing about some of the photos that my friend has received, from women he IS NOT in a relationship with, I was basically mortified.



Pillar Candles. I can honestly say, I've never looked at a candle and thought, hmmm how awesome would that be to get up on that!


A baseball bat. "HEEEEEY, BATTER, BATTER, BATTER..." Really, did you watch your child play t-ball and think to yourself, "I have to have that in me!"




Golf Clubs - Insert Tiger Woods joke here.


The Base of a Table Lamp - This was my only question when I heard this one..."How much lube would you need to get that up in your punani?"



A Bowling Pin - Who has a bowling pin in a closet and if you do who thinks to themselves, "I wonder what it would feel like to have a bowling pin in me?" I didn't even ask what end was inside, I really don't think I want to know.



A Bowling Ball - Really? It just doesn't seem like you'd snap back from that.

So, here's my question, do men find this sexy? I'm trying to figure out the thought process behind this. Maybe I'm nuts, but I don't want to do anything to my C U Next Tuesday that's going to make me look like I'm all stretched out. The bad thing is, these are just women that he either knows from random meetings in bars or hook-ups. This is what I told my friend..."If these women, that you don't know, are sending these photos to you, what the hell are they sending to people they actually do know?"

Here was the Mandyism of the night...

I'm sitting here, looking around my living room and there is nothing that I would want to do that with, especially since I would have to dust whatever is first.

Until next time...

Mandy

I Have a New Friend!

I have a new friend and his name is Sam. We met back in February and have become besties! Seriously, I never thought I could become such good friends with a someone in such a short period of time. He is kind of the male equivalent of me when it comes to dating. We both attract the freaks of nature. The majority of our conversations revolve around the weirdos that are attracted to us. It feels good to finally be the one that gets to use the phrase, "Where do you find these people?"

To say that our friendship has been an eye-opening experience would be a bit of an understatement. I'll write more about that in a future post.

After talking to me for right at six months, he can finally understand the majority of the things that I say...At first, I had to repeat every other word because he couldn't understand me due to my thick southern accent, which I don't really get since he grew up in Georgia. (I don't think my accent is that bad, I don't hear any difference in the way we speak.) He is actually in the process of teaching me Hindi and I wish I had videoed or recorded some of our past lessons because the dialogue between the two of us is hilarious. I might have to do a re-enactment of the number portion of the lesson.

Probably one of the best things about having him as a friend is that I get the male perspective in the dating world. And, he's brutally honest which sometimes comes across as mean, but I know that he's only telling me these things to help me not hurt me.

Here are a couple of excerpts from some of out conversations...

Sam: So, did you talk to that guy?
Me: yeah, but he's only been separated from his wife for a month.
Sam: Ewwww, that's not good.
Me: Yeah, and he sounds really country...like, his accent is so bad, I could hear it.
Sam: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that's pretty bad.

Sam: So, that chic wants to go out tonight so she's going to her house to get an overnight bag and then meeting me back over here.
Me: What?
Sam: She's meeting me over here.
Me: You don't listen to a damn thing I tell you, do you?
Sam: What?
Me: You know what, for being a card-carrying member of Mensa, you sure do make some stupid decisions.
Sam: HAHAHAAHAHAHAH, there's my Mandyism for the day.

Sam: It's raining over here.
Me: (while driving) Yeah, it looks like I'm about to go into some bad weather.
Sam: Yeah, I'm watching the weather on the local news.
Me: Have they shown the minority kids playing in a ditch full of water yet?
Sam: Huh?
Me: Okay, it's raining, I have to go.

the text I received shortly there after...

Sam: There it is. Black kids playing in the water. Damn, you know your peeps.

And those are just the first couple that pop into my head. I could do a daily post on conversations between the two of us.

Until next time...

Mandy

Oh, sorry about the lack of posts lately...I'll try to be a better blogger in the future. :)